weight issues and more! all in this issue!
The past two months have been insane for me: 2 times a day, 6 days a week at the gym. Eating 90% organic food and 10% junk food. Cutting down drastically on alcohol (then I go all "Courtney Love" for one day). For me, a lazy person at heart (I am currently putting off washing 2 days worth of dishes) that is something. That is an accomplishment.
Why do I want to do this? So that I may possibly lenghten my life and strengthen my health after quitting a pack-a-day-plus smoking habit, driving to school instead of walking and basically just trying to reverse the damage I have done to my body by binge eating, eating insane amounts of junk food and getting wasted every day for years and years. I shudder to think about what my insides actually look like. Are they wittled from drinking 2 litres of coke a day for a year and a half? Do my lungs really look like damaged shrink wrap?
So I gym it. And I eat healthy. And I've been losing a bit of fat but gaining muscle. I feel slightly sorry for those who are ordering KFC at 6:30 whilst I walk back to my car after a work out. I'm pretty sure I see the same people there over and over. The thing that really gets me is this: 95% of the people in my gym at 6am are women. They are my age and they are beautiful women of all shapes and sizes. And they work their asses off. I know it's probably because they have a subscription to Vogue or some shit. Or maybe there is just too much pressure on them, to stay beautiful and stay slim. Or maybe they just enjoy being healthy and working out.
One of the things I noticed is that people are always going to be judgemental, whether you're eating a chocolate bar at 10:30am every day or whether you are doing what I am doing. You're either eating too much, or not enough. If you're overweight and you're eating junk, people think that's part of your job. If you're overweight and you're eating healthy and working out, people think you're going to fail in 24 hours.
I usually seem to care what people think of me but for this, I don't. No one but me can fully understand what I was doing to my body for a good 5 years. I can't give a shit if people think that because I eat only organic food I am a freak or I have an eating disorder. I don't give a flying fuck if people think I am insane that I only eat pasta, rice, oats or other wholegrain carbs after each work out. I really, really couldn't care less if people think that I am this, or I am that. If I did, I would have stopped what I am doing.
It's not about being skinny or losing weight, it's about being healthy. It's about being able to run 100 metres without gasping for breath like Homer Simpson after 2 metres. I am young and I've got to grab this opportunity by the balls or one day pay for the years of damage I've done to myself.
